crapshoot

well, good morning friends. i had a rough night last night. you know what i know about myself? i know that i am strong. i have had a lot of experiences that "build character". perhaps that's why i am such a character, who knows. but, i am in the midst of a character building experience and i'm a little weary. last night was not the best night i've ever had. i called my gal pal and sobbed in the phone because well...i'm blessed enough to have someone that will pick up the phone when i call.
today i woke up sad at 5 am. weird dreams weird realities. i finally fell back asleep around 6. when i finally pulled my tired butt out of bed i felt just as sad, a little puffy, but much stronger.
that's the ticket. i'm strong as hell. even when i am feeling remarkably downtrodden, i know i am strong. i can deal. i may lose my cool, but i always recover. i have the weeble-wobble gene. you can knock me down but i always bounce right back up.
and...of course, everything happens for a reason. i let my guard down a while back and got very mad at myself for it. but my awesome roomie told me the same advice i gave her a long time ago. just allow yourself to be open to the good stuff; and i did. though it sucks to have it wither away before my eyes, i know it's happening for a purpose and i will be better for it. i already am.
here's to a new day, my darlings. here's to the lights in our lives that make the dark times more navigable. here's to life, man. it's going to be a good day. i choose for it to be, and i'm nothing if not an optimist.
all my love and gratitude to you today.
adieu for now,
lu