rifling

there's nothing like going through old photos (cleaning out as a part of my 29 things project) and realizing just how much you have blocked out over the past 10-15 years. depression, fashion (ouch), hairstyles, adventures (misadventures), boys, old friends, long lost and dearly missed souls. i just spent about two hours doing so. it mostly made me cry, that is to be expected. but it also felt tremendously good to throw away about 50% of this little stash of history. it makes me think of what my kids (if i have kids) will piece together of my youth by looking through it all one day. i used to look through my mom's old pictures a lot when i was a kid. i saw her farrah-flip hairstyle days, the uber-sunbathing, the preppy button-down shirt tied in a knot at her tiny waist and her penny-loafers. i loved seeing all of that. it was all little pieces of her. bright blue eyes and bouncy hair. it makes me smile to think about.

but what would my kids see? will they see my long hippie hair and hemp necklaces? my yellow-lens sunglasses (helloooo 1990's)? my gangly 110 lb frame? my big (really big) awkward (really really awkward) smile and my obsession with baggy boys' bowling shirts (again, hellloooo 1990's)?

i hope they don't see the sadness, i hope they see something that i missed rifling through it all. i hope they look at me the way i look at my mother in her photographs. happy and hopeful.

~lu