oiling the gears

ugh. what part of cheap wine don't i understand?
i spent time with a lady friend of mine last night and had a few breakthroughs in regard to all the things i want to do with my life. that vague and overwhelming concept of progression. being a fish with feet and what-not.
the thing is, i have no excuses. i could conceivably just pack up and leave and not even care if i saw 80% of the people i know in this town again. but, being a good ole southern girl, all i can think is what if "you never can go home again" is accurate; and everything i love and grew up with will never be the same again.
i do understand that it's probably just fear talking; and my friend made a good point: you never know, things could actually get better if you move.
novel concept isn't it? that it may be the butterfly effect that sets into motion things that have been on the back burner of other people's lives. i know i've been inspired by those who have done the things i dream of. i've never thought about things being better for my friends and my parents, if i weren't living in this town. i always try to be everything to everyone.
if i weren't here, they'd have an excuse to travel somewhere new and exciting. yadda yadda yadda. and isn't it funny that when my friend needs encouragement about moving away, i'm steadfast and supportive. when it comes to my life, i'm a limp rag and she's the steadfast and supportive one for me. we can't seem to do it ourselves. it's actually comforting. that's what a chosen family is for, right?
regardless of a new angle on viewing things, i'm brainstorming, making lists in my head, and looking forward to the fruits of this mental labour. perhaps something cool will emerge.
adieu for now, friends.
lu