well, i've got a tremendous amount of christmas things to do today. i basically got nothing done yesterday with a mixture of emotional and physical obstacles. today i have to make up for it.
i do have to say, i keep getting confronted with touchy interpersonal situations that i have a hard time navigating. i try very hard to do what's best for myself, but often find that i am trying to do right by everyone else instead. it's exhausting.
it's times like these that i wish one could hire a liaison to mediate. "i'm sorry, lu can't make it to __insert event in question here___. she sends her love and asks that you have a happy christmas." if only it were that easy. instead i tread through sadness, obligation, guilt, an oxcart of emotional baggage, and a steamer trunk of reality.
on the great scale, i'm often made to feel that my side couldn't possibly be enough to pull rank on what everyone thinks i should be doing (in others' opinions). very touchy stuff, man. never really learned the skills on how to best proceed in those kinds of situations. my instinct is to be cut & dry, not make excuses and say "here, this is why i am (or am not) going to do such & such, so deal." but then my tender heart and empathetic nature come into play and i wrap all of my words in bubble wrap and dress it as a completely different word and get stuck in terribly gut-contradicting situations. *sigh* anyone else deal with this? am i the only one too afraid to upset loved ones to say what i really mean? i can't fathom that i am.
nonetheless, this little black sheep has to figure out how to do what's best for the black sheep not all the white ones in the flock.
an unhappy sheep renders itchier wool, methinks.
adieu for now,
image of "the little outcast" featured from etsy shop: thelittlefox