Wednesday, March 31, 2010
well, today is the last day of march. what an intense month it has been. a charming and fun, but quite intense month. i am very much looking for quiet and peace right now and have grown quite frustrated with about 80% of this city and my life in it. i think i'm going to do everyone a favour for the next few days and just hole away. perhaps go to a movie, if i can find one interesting that doesn't cost $10.
last night i was completely wooed by the gigantic full moon. it was yellow like old parchment, and hanging low in the sky like a loose button on a jacket. how lovely. i wish i could hide away there for a while. i'm not really quite sure what my damage is at the moment, but woah. the world has a formidable opponent in ole lulu right now. these are the times when i indeed should find a little wooden house somewhere in the forest and sit out there and scream at the top of my lungs, take long silent walks and sit in the bath in a clawfoot tub for hours on end. just the ticket to get my head right.
i am not sure what i want for myself for april. i've definitely been taking better care of myself minus one or two late nights over the weekend. my gal pal is going vegan for a month, i'm not sure i want to go that extreme ('cause homeskillet loves her some cheese, now), but i want to do something good and kind for myself. if i'm kind to lil ole me, then i'm more kind to everyone around me (and i'm much less spacey). not sure how it's connected, but it sure as heck is.
oh, ha! and i realized yesterday after relaying my lizard-toss story to my parents that it was a salamander, not a gecko. not that it makes a huge difference in the long run but i'm sure Sal appreciates the recognition.
okay, well...i reckon i'll go for now. i hope your day is calm and fruitful and super-enjoyable, friends!
much love with this regularly scheduled adieu,
*left picture: little dood getting brushimans from victoria last night. it's his favourite thing in the world. kind of adorable, no?
*right picture: my pollen-covered car this morning. ew.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
however, being the self-sufficient woman that i am, despite my "ACK!!'s" and "ew!!'s", i removed him (or her) from the store unharmed. i even checked on it later to make sure it was still okay. i am proud of myself for that because one thing i dislike more than little fast bitey lizards chasing me around, is killing something. i even feel guilty if i accidentally squish a spider (though they kind of scare me too and LOVE to bite me specifically).
all of this is to say, i like that i can take care of myself, even in such simple terms as gecko removal. i like that i can confront my fears...sometimes. i still haven't figured out how to sing in front of people without having my throat close up from anxiety, but i will.
i do have a problem with allowing people to help me. call it stubbournness or what have you. it seems in the past, often when i woud ask for help with something, it would end up being an issue, or inconvenient or worse, something to be held over my head for years on end. yadda yadda. not every time and not by every person i asked for help from, but pretty significant and even minor incidences throughout the years have made me terribly gun-shy in letting people help me. alas, i have conditioned myself to say 90% of the time that i don't need help with anything. i even felt bad asking someone to walk my dog for me when i was super sick last month and couldn't get out of bed or feed myself for four days.
i have practiced over the years, that 10% where i do ask for assistance when i need it. i had wonderful results with it when i was moving apartments a few weeks ago. awesome people took the time to say, "why yes, lulu. i would love to help". but it was still hard to get me to agree to it in the first place even though i KNEW i totally needed the aid. crazypants, man!
to me, it's frightening to ask for a favour from anyone. right before i ask, i get that feeling in my stomach like there's an animal burrowing in it; the way i felt before i jumped out of the airplane a few years ago.
i'm not sure exactly what the issue is; fear, rejection, vulnerability, they're all factors. and quite frankly i can handle a lot. i also realize that the worst thing someone could say is "no", in theory anyway. so what's the biggie, man? really.
who would have thought being terrified of a gecko smaller than my pinky finger would throw me into such a funny tangent about one of my quirky and annoying personality traits? well, you check in with me often, so i'm sure you're used to it by now.
well, this is me today. i'm quite amused by my rant. i hope your day is beautiful and a lot less complex than this stream of consciousness was.
adieu for now,
Monday, March 29, 2010
top picture: the sweetheart herself this morning.
bottom picture: a painting that amuses me at one of my favourite sunday spots in town.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
today i am going to wring every drop of peace out of the remaining hours of my weekend. i hope that nothing sparkly catches my eye, and that when i wake up tomorrow morning i am energized and feeling positive. i haven't felt too superbly positive in general lately, but happiness is a choice, right? right!
adieu for now,
Saturday, March 27, 2010
after a slightly bizarre encounter last evening; and one of the weirdest, most epic dreams last night i am in kind of a funny place. a little wonky and kind of needing a hug but i'm cool. it's a perfect weekend for some thought-filled quiet. i have been kind of wanting to disappear lately. if only i could do that thing that endorra did on bewitched when she'd disappear. make a dramatic gesture and a column of smoke would appear, a groovy little sound would resonate and i'd be gone.
Friday, March 26, 2010
i was lamenting this charming quirk of mine, and subsequent conundrum to my roomie when she mentioned she just happened to have a couple of the classics i was in the mood to read! how fortuitous! i can have my sunshiney, read-y date with myself after all.
i'm pretty stoked to have two days off. i'm a little burned out and i know the time will do me some good.
the chateau is looking pretty awesome right now, if i do say so myself, and i only have maybe one or two nights worth of work until the place is all finished and completely, officially inhabitable as "the chateau". yay me!
well, i reckon i'm going to steal some sugar from the little buddy and do a little bit more daydreaming about all the things i want to do this weekend. *sigh* keep me away from all picture windows today for i am sure to get lost in thought.
adieu for now,
Thursday, March 25, 2010
off i go. back to work. here's hoping the last couple hours at work fly by, i'm antsy!
adieu for now,
*pictures to come.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
i am having a baby animal overload today. my roomie just showed me a video of a micro-pig named kingsford that had me cooing and making grabby hands at the screen because i want one sooooo badly.
but what i really need...i really need a shower and to get my butt in gear because i'm not even halfway done with my week (and already pretty much READY to have a weekend) and have another nice long 8 hours of work ahead of me today (24 left for the week).
here i go.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
goal for the week: no staying out past 9 (except for family dinner). nothing fiscally responsible happens for me after 9 p.m.
well, i know it's a wee post (that made me giggle) but i should get ready for work; and yes, i am aware that i haven't posted any pics in two days but i have them and will post them.
adieu for now,
Sunday, March 21, 2010
i know i need to get some cleaning done at the chateau and i'm sure that i will. but for this brief moment, i am reveling in my slothfulness; thinking about all kinds of things, and hoping tomorrow morning takes its time arriving. this quiet is nice.
adieu for now,
p.s. picture to come, i literally am too lazy to get out of bed and get the camera out of my purse to download pictures. don't judge.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
good gracious! impending storms, diabolical children, a fabulous chartreuse sofa, a rat hole of an apartment that is so unsafe for me to live in that i just leave my stuff in it and move into some sort of commune-type place.
last night there were ancient shipwrecks near an unfamiliar rocky beach. there were maps coming to life indicating the history of the ships (dutch i think), mini-ice ages and wars and strange coastlines. there were families around everywhere. families on the beach, families i was trying to save from the storm. my mom and i were modeling pajamas from my store as thick black storm clouds formed above our heads, and we rushed to save people from the ominous carnage-inducing fingers of a massive tornado.
*yawn* the overriding feeling i get this morning is that life is chaotic. shit happens that you can't control; but that i, for the most part, do a pretty decent job of taking care of myself and have a big heart and desire to help others...and i like dutch boats and chartreuse.
more later, kiddos...
(pic to come)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
today i work. i'm not ready. i don't feel like i had much of a weekend and i definitely do not feel rested, but that's alright. you gotta do what you gotta do.
but tonight... tonight i am going home and i'm not doing anything other than putter around the chateau. i get the little buddy back on tuesday and i can't wait to snuggle with him again, then go to family dinner. oh but tonight...i just want to put in a movie and decompress from everything. wish me luck, friends.
adieu for now,
*today's pic will be posted later in the day.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
last night we had a fabulous evening filled with friends (exponential amounts of friends), mirth, and cocktails. there were a few tears but fortunately (and oddly enough) i wasn't the one crying this time. it felt really great to see so many people come out and support my girl. it did my heart some good to get some visiting in with some friendly faces from back in the day as well.
sufficed to say, i didn't overdo it but i sure as heck went to bed late late late. so today i am a little dazed. the lack of sleep partnered with the incredible amount of constant intense emotion have left me a little out of it.
throughout all of the aforementioned distractions, i have been thinking a lot. once again i realize that i need not say everything in my head and my heart. i need not whine, i need not express it all the way i have been. silencio. it will be a good practice for me in the long run methinks.
methinks i also need a nap. eventually that will occur. for now, i am happily back in business as sidekick to my friend while she still needs me to be. holy sleepy best buds, batman!
adieu for now,
*today's pic: lulu's patented tar coffee insta-waker-upper for two gal pals recovering from a super fun evening.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
today is gorgeous in tallyhooha. the absolutely splendid weather has done wonders for my psyche. i will miss it terribly when it is a sweltering 103 degrees with 4000 percent humidity. i've been thinking a lot about what i want to do over the next 6-7 months and i see a couple of road trips (asheville?!), plane trips (new york and chicago), and some major overhauling of my mind, body, and bedroom. it'll be rad. i'm betting on some major laughs with my roomie and friends, and come that inevitable hot weather a daily dunk in the pool and several beach trips.
i am being positive and attempting to be proactive. as for now though, i have to go to work.
i hope your saturday is absolutely beautiful and sufficiently enjoyed, friends!
adieu for now,
Friday, March 5, 2010
as for me, i'm thinking a lot. i'm super overwhelmed with all i have to do at the chateau. so much so that i put one or two things away before i just sit down and stare. i think it's a combination of where my head is with where my stuff is (everywhere). ha! i'm feeling good, a little sadness inside but overall accepting of the fact that i'm closing a couple of big chapters and making room to open a couple of new ones (i've always been a multi-tasker, one chapter is never enough). i feel a wave of positivity and hope for the things i will be getting done this year. i am in a really good place even though a few episodes of my regularly scheduled life will have moved on to other channels on the set. i know i am capable of great strength (if not great stubbournness), i just have to tap into it. you know, like a keg. ha!
i'm off like a herd of turtles, folks.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
picture below is my room as of the end of moving day sunday. it looks about as with it as i did that evening. it is looking waaaay better and cooler now...
last night, brandi carlile rockin' it like you would not believe. soooo much fun! this morning outside on my new patio, enjoying the rain and laughing at seven who was just standing in it and staring at me. yes, he is now even more filthy than before (i didn't know it was possible).ugh. i can't tell you how good it feels to be "back in business" so to speak. more pics, more info, more insight to come. but now...it's time for me to go get my hair did.