Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
i am being super efficient at work but i can feel that efficiency beginning to peter out now that i'm on my lunch break and snuggled on the couch next to a curious and stinky little pup. i would much rather stay here and sleep then go back and break down boxes and price a mountain of smell-good soaps and what-not.
fast-forward to tonight and i am having my gal come over for some comfort food and y'know what? i may overlook vegetanuary for the night just to enjoy the delicious hearty goodness of one of my favourite recipes. don't gasp, friends. for i have had one non-vegetarian meal this january because it was one of my favourite dishes. and though i am a stickler for seeing things like vegetanuary through to the finish (and will continue to do so), i also realize that you only live once and i had the chance to nosh a fave meal...so i did and it was SO worth it.
well, at the moment it was. my body went a little apey in response to the non-vegetable fare but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. and i had to feed that craving. i don't even know why i'm telling y'all this, it was over a week and a half ago. oh well...confessions of a foodie.
the point is, i am not fully equipped for anything of substance today except comfort food and jammies. once again, counting down the hours until i can crawl my bootie up the stairs to my shack sweet shack.
speaking of the shack, it is looking emptier and emptier now that i am attempting to clean it out for the move. can homegirl get some snaps please? it's quite a feat!
adieu for now...excuse the complete and utter (heh udder) rabbit trail this post has become.
*today's pic: me head hurts. me wants to stay home.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
*today's pic: jumping up on the settee and taking pictures in front of my art wall...because i'm a grown-up and i'm allowed to.
Monday, January 25, 2010
i spent last week avoiding the shack. colour me in denial about everything. so this week i plan on spending more time here getting things done.
i'm starting to feel like a real loser that my christmas tree is still up. someone even mentioned it to me recently when i said i hadn't taken it down yet. "didn't you say on your blog that you would do that like a week ago?" ouch. guess i oughtta, huh? people are starting to hold me accountable for things i say on here...whoopsie. heh. so the faux fir is coming down today. i'm actually kind of sad about it but this holiday season was so odd for so many reasons, it'll be good energy to clean it out of here.
i feel like such a grown-up that i have a faux christmas tree that i HAVE to store now. it's daunting and funny that i possess as much holiday decorating items as i do. considering that with the goals i have in mind for myself, i will have to be living with much less in my new place (hopefully). i don't know if i should just try to sell everything that i've accumulated to finance the flurry of dental torture appointments i have to have this year; and the potential death of a belt in jane honda that keeps whirring/squealing at me only when i'm my most psychologically fragile and can't wrap my head around how much it would suck if she broke down.
those money woes and the fact that i am prit much pissed at my credit card balance right now has me fantasizing about winning the lottery or finding a sugar daddie. if someone would just hand me $10,000 i could stop freaking about everything. well, i'll never stop freaking about something but the dental surgery would be done, jane honda would be taken care of and a happy girl once again, no credit card worries, apartments successfully transferred, storage unit secured and filled...and some left over for a few new outfits for little mama because my stuff's been looking a little pitiful lately. that's not asking too much is it? maybe i should put a digital donation jar on here so people who feel bad for me can keep me from complaining by putting a dollar in it or whatever.
ha! or whatever.
adieu for now, kids...thanks for attempting to follow the ramble.
*today's pic: accomplishing much by sifting through grandma's button box. i used to play with all the trinkets in there for hours when i was a youngin.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
regardless, as a courtesy to the shopping public, i came home early from the shop. now after several hours of convalescing, old saturday night live episodes, and amazing music i am prit much ready to go for a fun night of shakin' ma bootie and laughing a lot. hell, i may even wear something cute and brush my hair.
look out world, it's saturday and the bipolar delight is wringing a smile out of the dirty dish rag that has been her mouth all day.
adieu for now,
*little dreamy dramaboat watching kinky friedman on the telly.
Friday, January 22, 2010
1. i love the colour burnt orange, as well as leopard print and amethysts. my grandmother and i shared these affinities.
2. i collect dia de los muertos figurines. i get one for myself every birthday.
3. i want to look like marisa tomei in "only you". with the little pixie haircut and tiny gold hoop earrings. plus that badass backless white outfit that only she could wear.
4. i have kind of always wanted to be a bartender. it's not so terribly different from what i do now. talk to people, and sell them things they don't necessarily need. plus it'd be a nice change to see the world from the other side of the bar.
5. sometimes i think i'd like to end up owning a piece of property somewhere beautiful and living a simple and artistic life. perhaps have a few nekkid youngins running around. or goats. i've always wanted a pet goat.
6. i could quite possibly be paul giamatti's biggest fan.
7. i have ordered the exact same thing at a thai restaurant in town for 26 years. the most delicious cashew chicken. i have to go there at least twice a year just to get my fix.
hope you enjoyed the random silliness, kiddos! more to come later.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
yesterday i was a giddy mess. non-stop giggles and wry smiles. it was awesome for it has been a good long while since i have been that awash in sheer junior high-type silliness. and because i am an air sign and waft along the emotional breezes, today i am deep in thought. partially because there is nary a customer in the shop and partially because i haven't taken the time to overanalyze (ha! i mean analyze...)everything i have said in the past few days. well, i have made the time to do so today.
sometimes i speak without filter. i assume my openness is appreciated though i know it is not, all too often. i look back on things i have said years ago and still cringe beyond cringe that i opened my mouth at all. what a dolt i can be! ish kabibble.
the reason i beat myself for saying the wrong things sometimes is that i am mortified at the thought of making people feel bad. i know that i am human and humans do really horrible things to one another but i really don't try to be cruel to people or insult them or make them feel in any way disposable.
it's kind of this code that i have created for myself. people make me feel like crap or totally frickin' nuts all the time but i don't want to do that to others. yet sometimes i hear myself say things that come off as insensitive or callous.
so, to any and all who i may have done this to over the years and even recently, please know that it's okay to tell me that i've offended/upset you. sometimes i assume that i have when i haven't (which is most likely the case today) and the opposite is also true.
each person is in my world for a reason, even if you think it's a diminuative reason, i probably do not consider it as such. my most sincere apologies are being sent out there. i am trying to evolve here, be patient with me.
adieu for now,
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
when i finally got up today after a somewhat peaceful nine hours of sleep, i felt a wave of overstimulated synapses and senses. the shack is quiet, the little man is groggy, and i am piddling around thinking a lot. it is good for my soul.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
today has been pretty damn good. i woke up wanting to put my whiskey shoes on, which is really no good way to wake up on a workday...and ahem...in the morning. but i resisted (i would be horribly disappointed in myself if i had given in to whiskey in the middle of the day) and despite my general feeling of scrappiness, i have thoroughly enjoyed this day i have been given.
i have a couple of things rattling around in the ole noggin today. i have had a weird week filled with really great and really odd things. my dreams have left me so exhausted each morning that i haven't gotten a decent night's rest since maybe saturday or sunday night.
concern about finding a new apartment that fits in the parameters of my budget and lease term; and a trip to nashville i have to plan-pay for-and take within the next two weeks have added to the noisy pair of maracas that are the hemispheres of my brain. if i can't do the nashville thing in that amount of time, i will have to wait until march when i have moved into the next place. hmm...what to do? what to do?
oh well, i'm about to make some music and some pork tenderloin (para el profesor, not for me...i'm eating leftover vegetarian spaghetti like a good girl). i truly hope i have something more interesting to offer tomorrow. and i hope i used the proper spanish word for "for" as well. sheeesh.
in the meantime, a little something dedicated to the late, great teddy pendergress, may he rest in peace.
adieu for now,
*today's pic: on the floor after wrastlin' with little man!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
the thing is, today my switch keeps getting flipped. thankfully, meditation plus some positive thoughts texted to me today, have aided in my ability to turn it back off when it does. however, i simply feel tested.
this afternoon, i have been trying to find quotes that offer positive reinforcement. little reminders that happiness is a choice. every bit helps, right?
most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. ~abraham lincoln
action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action. ~benjamin disraeli
it is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis. ~margaret bonnano
the greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not circumstances. ~martha washington
take a breath with me friends...every little thing is going to be alright.
adieu for now,
*today's pic: at work, seeking brief solace in nature.
Monday, January 11, 2010
today the buddy is at his dad's. i miss him already. isn't that pitiful? not seeing that little poufy face throughout the day is kind of getting to me even though he's only been gone 3 hours. i know he's happy running in circles in the backyard because he hasn't gotten to do that in a long time. silly mama. que ridiculo!
well, i'm looking around the funky little shack and adding yet another task to the ever-growing to-do list. it makes me kind of want to hide out at the bookstore for a few hours to clear my mind. the procastinator returns. unfortunate timing though, because i have a ton of stuff i have to get organized now that i'm not renewing the lease for the shack. trying not to panic; but pretending i don't have to worry about it a little bit isn't helping.
it's a lovely day here in tally. i am thoroughly enjoying the erykah badu station on pandora and this arctic front that rolled through has been wonderful! i despise hot weather and have been happy as a clam in 28 degree weather. what a terrible floridian i can be! living in a place with distinct seasons sounds just heavenly to me. gracious my head is in 30 places this morning, sorry guys!
clearly, i have a lot of things rolling about in the ole noggin, i keep putting them off or simmering them on a back burner in my mind instead of just dealing with them. perhaps that's what i should do today. oh but the bookstore is calling me! well, it is my day off, i reckon i can do whatever i want to, huh? i have to remind myself i am a grown-up sometimes (often actually). ha! wish me luck today, kiddos!
adieu for now,
*today's pic: lulu and possibly the worlds largest cup of coffee.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
i am in an unusual mood today. it is a feeling of having a little power (for lack of a better word) in my life. i believe that in reality no one has complete power over their lives, there will always be things out of our control. there's an odd comfort in that. but i am feeling strong today. it feels damn good. i feel like she-ra princess of power, but a brunette and without the unicorn.
last night, i had a relaxing evening in with friends. lots of conversations, a mushie tofu stir-fry (my bad), and a few guilty pleasure videos from you tube (toni braxton says what?) and i would say it was an overall success.
i am looking forward to some light-heartedness though. perhaps a dressy (albeit artery-freezing) evening out with friends? hmmmm? and in the spirit of dressiness...that's right...the fantasy shopper is back with a little etsy gem fer ya today. enjoy! gallo nu riding jacket. $150 http://www.hierapparel.etsy.com/ me wants this saucy jacket . it would be so perfect to cozy up in today.
*p.s. this is the morning ice. so pretty and somewhat sparkly!
Friday, January 8, 2010
*this is from last night. there is a guy at the wine bar that plays with fire every thursday. i found it entertaining.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
i'm sure you will not be surprised to hear that i didn't make it to the grocery store yesterday. and no i didn't eat wrapping paper for breakfast, even though i totally burned my pancakes and nearly went stark, raving mad because of it.
i went, instead to see a friend to get a fix of positive energy which was much needed to help push me even further out of my funketyfunk; which despite my best efforts kept coming at me in waves. isn't it wonderful to know there are people you can call and say..."hey, i need a hug" and their answer will always be "come on over!"? it did my heart good.
my mind is grappling with a few biggies today just trying to carve them into more easily digestible pieces. deadlines are frightening to me and having to work within a limited timeframe is daunting. thankfully i have a friend who is willing to sit with me and help me break things down so i'll stop wigging out. i am blessed with my support system, truly.
i began my second book of the new year. technically i restarted it. i began it last year in february. but last year was such a flurry of insanity that i put it down for it was too heavy at the time. it's called the essential spontaneous fulfillment of desire, by deepak chopra.
i know i know, it's deepak chopra. i was almost embarrassed to buy it but i thought the title had a nice positive connotation. it's about the interconnectedness of everything. a concept i have thought about often especially when the unusual things that happen to me occur once again. it's fun to learn and philosophize and make new wrinkles in my brain. it's been a while. my next book will have to be lighter fare though, for i can only philosophize so much before i'm tempted to make a toga out of my bedsheets and lounge on the steps of public buildings discussing the cosmic merit of packing peanuts.
ha! on that note, i'm going to get back to work. enjoy this beautiful day, friends!
*me at the shop today, amusing myself with the chandelier crystals.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
i have acquired a yearning for peace over the past few years. well, i didn't acquire it as much as fought tooth-and-nail for the right to feel as if i deserve it. leaving the battlefield with not just flesh wounds but severed limbs. i have nursed myself back to health (and even let people help reattach hands and legs a little here and there too...imagine that!) but hit a dip in this recovery as of late.
over any stretch of time you can imagine, i have successfully beaten myself into a bloody pulp physically and emotionally. now let me also say this is not a continous feeling but it rears its ugly head every so often and sufficiently kicks my ass when it does. regardless, today i fully realized i have had enough.
anyway, throughout my life, some form of chaos or drama has felt relatively normal at times. i don't know what that says about me, or my past, or my childhood yadda yadda yadda. it's just the truth. i had worked for a while and had finally gotten to a place where when things were quiet, i didn't panic anymore. that is until recently.
this all sounds worse than it really is (i have a tendency to over-describe ala dickens). but to me, the self-flagellation came from the fact that i have created cycles for myself that keep me in chaos because it feels "safe" and it really boils down to fear.
many moons ago i acknowledged that i have a monumental fear of failure. it's kind of hilarious if you know me because i'm the most public fail-er around. if i'm going to fall flat on my ass it's going to be in front of every person i know. but the truth is, i know how to do that. i know how to fail. i fail at all kinds of things all the time. why is it that a fear of failure keeps me doing these things over and over again? it's because i fear failing at the things i want the most. i know, it's some deep stuff. hang in there, though.
i have wanted to leave the little nest of a town i live in for a very long time. but i've been terrified for a myriad of reasons. leaving family, my support group, money, comforts etc. but what i'm really afraid of doing is saying goodbye to my memories. of stepping out of the sepia-toned safety of this little universe and into the blinding light and frightening shadows of the life i have always dreamed of. a life in which i do not keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. that world is foreign and doesn't yet make any sense to me. *ha! upon re-reading that sentence i must admit that i am aware i will make new mistakes if i can manage to stop making the old ones no matter where i live.
several weeks ago a barrage of love, amends, and well-wishes began to swell around me. i cast a lot of old baggage into the river and made room for new people to join my world. very cool stuff.
the epiphany that boxed my ears today was that i need to stop following the white rabbits of my life (and we each have several of our own). i am a big girl in many facets of my life but not all of the important ones. that is where i need to grow. long story long...i am making room for positive, life-changing things to happen to me, and for me by exiting the scarcity-focused world i am used to (what is wrong with me? why do i do this? why do i say that?) and entering an abundance-focused world by giving to others.
today, i finished reading 29 Gifts. i am going to begin this challenge for myself this week. 29 gifts (time, money, anything!) given with love and intention for 29 days. i will not post about this as the experiment is in progress because i want each to be uniquely given and received without any concern about what people think of it etc.
i mention it because...well, this is big for me. i want the people who know me and care enough to check in here with me to know that a big, happy realization occurred today and that i am feeling exceptionally optimistic, peaceful, and even attempting this pesky thing called forgiving myself for being human.
you my friends, all play a part in this acknowledgement. if i didn't have your lovely souls in my world, i wouldn't understand the concept of gratitude in the sincere manner in which i do.
stay with me, folks. it will only get better. i sincerely care for each of you and thank you for taking the time to join me.
adieu for now,