Wednesday, February 9, 2011

the big day

today i am 29. i still feel that i exist on an incalculable plane. an age that transcends the ever-spinning life clock. that's not too surprising considering i have existed on such a bizarro plane most of my life.
this morning i woke up to a lovely (and hilariously cute) gift from my husband. a fridge full of my favourite sparkly water and yet another loving note. he's a great writer and oft puts me to shame (a blow to my ego i am learning to bare).
after dropping mr. n off at work, i scurried to the grocer and procured for myself a potted tulip, a bottle of cheap champagne, a sour cream donut, banana, a fashion magazine, and heart-shaped box of chocolates. the ultimate indulgences. i painted my nails while topping off the bottle o' bubbly. i took a bite of each chocolate until i found my favourite ones. i dreamed about designing, making, and wearing all of the keen fashions i ogled. i watched a girly movie. i had a couple of important phone conversations.
i once again, acknowledged my humanity and hormone-ity.
i have made it through nearly three decades of quite the life journey. all the while i have forged my own strange path. my innate openness hath been my downfall and my salvation. my intuition and ability to sincerely care have shown me countless times that life is insanely painful and insanely beautiful.
i have lost so much. i have gained so much more. every year i collect a day of the dead figurine on my birthday and have for almost a decade. a humourous and peaceful (and colourful!!) reminder that every year is a gift. not in a sappy way but in a profound and generous way.
life changes every damn second. it is a choice to hold on and enjoy the ride. the moment you try to anchor the ship of change from moving in the grand ole sea...well, then prepare to be in davey jones' locker. go with the flow. it takes you to strange new, beautiful (and scary) horizons. it's the most phenomenal journey ever known.
just sayin'...
well, the evening i was born, i stretched and arched nearly out of then nurse's arms. she said at the time: "that baby got grit". little did she know.
happy birthday to me!

1 comment:

Susanne said...

that was profound honey . you are a wonderful , artsy , beautiful woman and we adore you . Happy birthday bean ! xxoo , mama