Thursday, June 4, 2009

for crying out loud.

what the hell is wrong with me lately? i find out that i'm going to be spending time with an aforementioned challenging person (6-8 hours worth of time) and my heartbeat is racing, my blood pressure is skyrocketing, i want to cry and vomit. all signs point to incapable of coping.

what to do what to do what to do what to do?

six-eight hours isn't that long in the scheme of things but i am dreading it so much i don't know what to do with myself. i literally am wringing my hands and trying not to scream.

i want to run away and never come back.

now, PMS can usually explain some of how i feel right now. 1. everyone that speaks to me is annoying the shit out of me. 2. i want to punch a hole in the wall and 3. chain-smoke on my balcony.

i am overwhelmed in several ways right now. regular hormonal shit but there are some major issues surfacing.

it is a really big deal that i cannot be around this person without having a major anxiety attack. it affects facets of my life that are exceptionally hard to deal with if i screw it up as badly as i would if i said what i felt to this person and/or bailed. that was a long and rambly sentence.

i need patience and peace so very badly. i also need someone to wrap their arms around me so that i may cry and let me feel safe for a minute.

...i enjoy being a girl...

No comments: