Wednesday, June 24, 2009

jane jane don't go away.

i have been having the weirdest dreams lately. last night i tossed and turned despite the fact that the muscles in my neck, and shoulders were stiff and sore. i'm debating whether or not to go to the doctor. i don't think there is anything they can do and i believe x-rays would be a superfluous medical cost, and a time-waster.
However, i do not feel up to opening the store at 10 like usual. i left a sign on it that said we'd reopen this afternoon. i feel guilty that i'm not there but also feel like crap hence my wednesday conundrum.
all of this car crashing nonsense has made me emotional. my head is all fuzzy and i just want things to work out excellently and not have to stay on the phone with insurance people or worry about a car.
it's brought up a lot of stuff about my grandma who helped me buy jane honda. she passed away almost a year ago. it's almost like i had just a few things that have kept me connected to her and little by little they are being taken away.
these are physical things and i'm only being left with memories. i've always be so terrified of being left with only memories. it's not as real or accurate. bit by bit, the reality of her being gone is made more painfully evident now that our project (jane honda) is off somewhere being analyzed as to whether she can be fixed or not.
adieu for now.

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