it is very frustrating when someone has made up their mind about you regardless of what you do that proves their theory otherwise.
i'm experiencing this with a friend whose friendship i will be sad to see dissipate.
however, after hearing this person's opinion of me, i'm neither surprised to see it go, nor so sad that it couldn't be cured by anything other than a quiet night of reflection.
alas, a quiet night of reflection is not an option for several nights. probably not until friday.
public and personal opinions are a very fickle, fragile, amporpheous thing most of the time.
i'm the kind of person that succeeds in private and fails in public. that's my legacy in the town that i live in. fail fail fail.
many people dislike me, loathe me, and think things about me that aren't true or are fragments of the truth. some people hate me for the appropriate truth.
perhaps it is like this with this friend. perhaps this person has every right to think so little of me. i sure as hell cannot stop this person or anyone for that matter.
i am told i am loved and cherished for who i am. but, bullshit really annoys me.
i believe, if i were loved and cherished for who i am, then this person's opinion wouldn't feel so condescending and cruel. i have opinions of this person as well, but they have unfortunately been proven incorrect.
oh well. i have worked very hard to get my life on track. my need for external validation has waned greatly over the most difficult year of my life. now i know that i am (and even have been before) a strong, independent, delightfully silly, gregarious, creative, sensitive, empathetic, sincere and loving person.
the fact of the matter is i truly love myself. i truly know myself and i have a handful of people in my life that know me and love me too.
perhaps that is all i need.