Tuesday, April 20, 2010

gold friggin' stars

'tis tuesday, campers. 'tis raining and my laptop's internet connection has gone kaputski and i can't figure out why. therefore, no pictures will be uploaded until that is resolved. sorries!
as for me, i am doing rather well. have had a lot of much needed insight spring forth in regard to some things that have been on my mind. though i am a smidge despondent over some of the things i have learned, i am ever-so-slightly motivated to accomplish some major stuff and am feeling very straight-forward these days. a little too much methinks, but oh well. it's a practice in declaring my needs AND keeping my mouth shut. ha! so typical me, eh?
well, i've got a busy week ahead. i enjoyed a lovely combination of productivity & fun yesterday and am looking forward to all of my social engagements lined up for the next...oh, um 10 days. don't worry, i'll be taking lu time too.
aside from monstrous allergies and the ominous threat of summer heat that hangs in the air (too early for that!); and the aforementioned items of note... i am doing quite well. feeling stronger. feeling more in control, less over-stimulated and vulnerable. it's a delicate scale but i'm doing my best not to let any hiccups throw me off too much.
while i've learned over the past 5 years or so, is that it is important to accept help when you need it; i have also learned all to well in that span of time (particularly recently) that no one, and i mean no one, will take care of me or love me better than i already do. i've kind of always known this but seem to have been out of practice in existing as such.
i cannot rely on anything or any one person (other than myself) to give me what i need. that's crazy to think about sometimes. and if i weren't so damn stubbourn, i'd probably be depressed by it a little.
having relied heavily on family, friends, and lovers before and for so long to burnish whatever longing or need i may have felt. it's unfortunately a habit that i have steadily been chipping away at. lately even more so. gold star for me.
adieu for now, darlings. pictures to come as soon as i figure out what the heck i've done to my internet connection. hope your day is beautiful!
~lu

2 comments:

Anachnoristic Outlook said...

Golden stars for great starts. - - though,for me, I simultaneously know I have to take care of myself very diligently and carefully, but I also can rely on others. You can lean on me Lu! <3

Susanne said...

You are never without people who love you and will be there in a pinch if you need them , and asking for help is a wonderful thing .... its why you have family and friends . You are also in God's constant care and asking him for help thrills him .xxoo