Thursday, January 21, 2010

overanalyzing apologizing philosophizing.

today is drizzly in tally. 'tis welly season. i am currently taking a few moments on my lunch break (between my zealous consumption of tomato soup and grilled cheese sammiches) to send a few words out to you fine people in interwebsland.
yesterday i was a giddy mess. non-stop giggles and wry smiles. it was awesome for it has been a good long while since i have been that awash in sheer junior high-type silliness. and because i am an air sign and waft along the emotional breezes, today i am deep in thought. partially because there is nary a customer in the shop and partially because i haven't taken the time to overanalyze (ha! i mean analyze...)everything i have said in the past few days. well, i have made the time to do so today.
sometimes i speak without filter. i assume my openness is appreciated though i know it is not, all too often. i look back on things i have said years ago and still cringe beyond cringe that i opened my mouth at all. what a dolt i can be! ish kabibble.
the reason i beat myself for saying the wrong things sometimes is that i am mortified at the thought of making people feel bad. i know that i am human and humans do really horrible things to one another but i really don't try to be cruel to people or insult them or make them feel in any way disposable.
it's kind of this code that i have created for myself. people make me feel like crap or totally frickin' nuts all the time but i don't want to do that to others. yet sometimes i hear myself say things that come off as insensitive or callous.
so, to any and all who i may have done this to over the years and even recently, please know that it's okay to tell me that i've offended/upset you. sometimes i assume that i have when i haven't (which is most likely the case today) and the opposite is also true.
each person is in my world for a reason, even if you think it's a diminuative reason, i probably do not consider it as such. my most sincere apologies are being sent out there. i am trying to evolve here, be patient with me.
adieu for now,
*today's pic: i love this rosamund print and wanted to take a picture of myself with it. i am aware how weird that sounds.

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